Memento Vivere
by Marietta1995
Summary: "Why have you been smiling so much?" Rose snapped. "It's strange." Scorpius faltered for a moment, the nervous quirk in his lips falling flat. There was no way he could tell her, no way she'd understand. After all, how in Merlin's name was he supposed to explain to her that the reason he smiled so much was because he was so bloody terrified of what would happen if he didn't?


**Warning: Spoilers for the Cursed Child**

* * *

Scorpius Malfoy lived life with a smile on his face.

That wasn't to say his life was perfect. In reality, that was far from the truth. After the events earlier in the school year with the whole Delphi debacle, Scorpius liked to think that things would get better for him and his dad, that maybe this would put the rumors of him being Voldemort's son to rest once and for all.

But if anything, it got worse.

The announcement that the populace's suspicions were correct, that Voldemort really had sired a child caused a maelstrom of fear to ripple across the country. Suddenly, the whispers that had previously been skeptical of Scorpius' parentage grew fiercer, reasoning that if Voldemort already had one child, surely he could have _two_.

The thought made Scorpius sick to his stomach.

He didn't blame Harry Potter, nor the Minister for Magic like his father did for the leak of that particular information. Secrets like that always had a way of revealing itself to the public.

Actually, Scorpius secretly blamed his grandfather for being the one who sided with Voldemort in the first place. If he'd stayed out of the fight, during the first war or even the next, maybe things would have been better for him and his family. Maybe…

No, it did no good to dwell on the past. He'd learned first hand what happened when you tampered with time. With his luck, his grandfather's choice was probably the only reason he was able to exist in the first place.

So Scorpius pushed on.

He ignored the whispers that clung to him like a sticking charm. He ignored the pointed stares, the fearful glances that reminded him a bit too much of his time spent as the Scorpion King for comfort. He ignored it all and simply smiled.

Because after all, it was rather difficult to accuse a cheerful bloke of being the child of an insane, mass-murdering tyrant.

Albus was the first one to notice the increasing frequency of his cheeriness, and how it would it would putter out when they were alone. Of all the students in Hogwarts, he'd be the one to understand Scorpius' problem the most. People still felt the need to comment on how much of a disappointment he was to the Potter 'legacy', or how he was nothing like his father.

But where Scorpius failed, his best friend hadn't. Albus didn't let their words touch him anymore. He and his father had been making leaps and bounds over the year (something that made Scorpius genuinely happy) and suddenly, the pressure he'd felt to be the 'perfect Potter' had melted away. Harry loved his son, Slytherin or not, and Albus was finally beginning to understand that.

And that made the taunts nearly meaningless.

So Scorpius simply waved his best friend's concerns away and pulled some sweets from his pockets to serve as a distraction.

Albus didn't mention it again.

* * *

Rose was the next to notice, although not in the way he'd have preferred.

She gave him a right scare, as she marched up to him after potions in all her Granger-Weasley glory. Part of him admired the way her bushy hair bounced with each step, how her warm, brown eyes were trained on him. But the rest of Scorpius was scared witless the moment he took in the scowl adorning her pretty face.

"What are you doing?" She nearly hissed.

Scorpius dropped his book bag in surprise, shooting a quick glance towards Albus, who was still packing up. Normally it was his best friend who ran interference when Rose was cross with him.

Apparently he had no such luck that day.

"I-I'm" He stammered, looking anywhere but at the small witch that was emanating some very powerful _negative_ emotions at the moment.

Scorpius didn't know what he'd done to earn her ire this time. He'd thought things had been going swimmingly between them (meaning that he was quite sure that she _almost_ didn't hate him anymore.) So after a second trying to calm his nerves, he squeaked out his answer.

"I'm getting ready to leave?"

Rose only narrowed her eyes at his response. The panic curdling in his stomach seemed to evolve into a full-blown explosion of fireworks.

Scorpius wondered if he was seconds away from being hexed.

"Right, you knew that." He muttered hastily. "Can you at least clue me in this time? I haven't an idea to what you're talking about."

Rose's eyes were in near slits now, lips turned downwards in a pouty way that really shouldn't be as attractive to Scorpius as he found it.

The boy gulped.

"You've been acting oddly all month." She stated, folding her arms in front of her. "I don't know what your planning. But-"

"I'm not doing anything!" Scorpius protested, accidentally interrupting the witch.

He suddenly wished he'd had the foresight to draw up a will earlier that morning.

"Then why have you been smiling so much?" Rose snapped. "It's strange."

Scorpius faltered for a moment, the nervous quirk in his lips falling flat. For a moment, he entertained the idea of explaining it all, explaining that this was how he'd been trying to keep the whispers at bay. But no, there was no way he would tell her this, not the girl who disliked him on principle. He doubted that she'd ever understand what it felt like to have others' suspicions cling to you like a second skin, to have others watching your every move simply because you _existed in the first place_.

So he sent a grin her way once more before snatching his bag off the ground and rushing out of the classroom.

After all, how in Merlin's name could he explain to her that the reason he smiled so much was because he was so bloody terrified of what would happen if he didn't _?_

* * *

"I heard McGonagall caught him using crucio on a first year."

"No way, I heard it was three second years!"

"Shouldn't he have been expelled?"

"I dunno mate. I reckon they're too afraid to upset him. Might turn out like his father, You-Know-Who."

Scorpius ignored the whispers, keeping his head high and a kind smile plastered on his face. It would all stop eventually.

He just had to keep smiling.

* * *

After the being hit with the third 'stray' stinging hex of the day, Albus decided to intervene.

Scorpius latched onto his best mate's arm, ignoring the right pain his shoulder was in. The Potter was livid, righteous fury alight in his burning glare as he tried to aim his wand at the retreating Gryffindor.

Scorpius was quick to snatch the slender piece of Rowan's wood from the boy's grasp, dodging backwards when Albus spun towards him.

"You need to calm down." He urged quietly. "Don't let him get to you."

"Get to me?" Albus hissed. "It's not me he's gotten to."

Scorpius shook his head.

"It doesn't matter." He replied in a small voice.

"Like hell it doesn't!" Albus yelled incredulously. "You don't think I haven't seen what this has been doing to you?!"

Scorpius shook his head, nervously leading his friend into a side corridor. People were staring again, their gazes heavy and uncomfortable.

"Please." He pleaded. "Please just leave it alone for now. We've only got another week before summer break. And if they do anything worse, you can tell McGonagall. Just don't..."

A heavy silence fell between the two.

 _Please don't make it worse._

"Alright." Albus complied gruffly. "But you tell me next time something happens, got it? The headmistress wouldn't stand for any of this, no matter how much trouble we've caused her this year."

Scorpius only smiled as he rubbed his stinging shoulder.

He didn't see what more they could do to him.

* * *

On the evening before they were due to board the trains home, Scorpius ate his words.

He'd been walking from the Great Hall alone that night, having hurriedly finished his dinner before Albus so he could get some late packing done. He couldn't stand to see the smug look on his best friend's face the moment he saw the state of chaos his things were currently in. The git had been nagging him to start packing all week, lest he have to make another one of his mad dashes to fit everything in his trunk.

All he needed was a bit of a head start.

But Rose Granger-Weasley saw fit to destroy that plan.

"Malfoy."

Scorpius froze, heart thudding in his chest. All thoughts of packing suddenly vanished from his mind. Instead, he couldn't help but marvel over the way she said his name _without_ her usual tone of disgust.

"Yes?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder curiously. Never mind the butterflies tumbling around in his stomach.

But Rose wasn't looking at his face. Her eyes were zeroed in on… his back?

Frowning, Scorpius glanced down. Behind him was a small, bulging envelope hovering behind him.

"It's been following you for a while now." She stated offhandedly as she turned towards the grand staircase. "Just thought you ought to know."

Scorpius managed a smirk as he snatched the envelope from its suspended spot.

"You know." He teased while flipping the top open to reveal a bunch of ripped pieces of parchment. "If you wanted to talk to me so badly, you didn't have to resort to a silly little trick like this."

Rose's sharp retort went unheard, however, when Scorpius realized what exactly he was holding.

His throat tightened, breaths coming out uneven as his trembling hand lifted a torn piece of parchment from the envelope. A fragment of his mother's face smiled back at him.

Scorpius pressed his lips into a firm line, ignoring the way his eyes burned.

Since his mum passed, he'd kept a picture of her by his bedside. It was one of his favorites, a snapshot from a trip they'd all taken to France. He'd only been five at the time, but the sight of his parents' smiling faces was something he held dear to his heart.

And now it was gone.

Scorpius took a shuddering breath as he placed the piece back with the others, taking out his wand. He struggled to calm his shaking wand as he aimed it at the fragments.

" _Reparo._ " He whispered.

But nothing happened.

" _Reparo._ " He tried again. _"Reparo, dammit!_ "

The pieces didn't even twitch.

"Scorpius?"

The young man flinched, dropping the envelope to the floor. He'd forgotten that he wasn't alone.

Scorpius took a steadying breath before glancing up at Rose.

In all his years at Hogwarts, he'd witnessed a variety of her looks, the most positive being pity. But never before had she looked at him like _that_. Like she was actually concerned about him…

That's what pushed him over the edge.

Scorpius staggered back from the girl, lips quivering dangerously and sight blurred with tears. He didn't make a move to pick up the envelope. It had been tainted.

Tainted by a hatred he didn't understand.

"I'm fine." He choked out, trying for another smile. "Everything is fine."

He didn't give her a chance to respond, sprinting towards the dungeon with all his might. He didn't see her take a step towards him, nor did he witness her reach for the fallen envelope.

Scorpius didn't do much at all that night.

* * *

"How was your year?" His father asked, shortly after he'd said his goodbyes to Albus. "Much better than the previous, I hope."

Scorpius smiled shortly.

"It was the best one yet."

* * *

On the second anniversary of his mother's death, Scorpius snuck away to Diagon Alley.

His father was busy speaking with their guests, all people who claimed to have known his mother the best. They all sat in the grand foyer, crying into their handkerchiefs while reminiscing over stories of how popular his mother was in school, how talented she was at decorating. But all Scorpius saw was a sordid affair filled with stuffy adults and children who refused to look him in the eye.

Nobody spoke about the way she'd snort when Scorpius did something rather funny (or extremely embarrassing), nor the way her face seemed to light up whenever he or his father entered the room. Nobody mentioned her kindness towards the less fortunate, nor her keen sense of right and wrong. Everyone was mourning a socialite, not his mother.

Thirty minutes into the affair, Scorpius caught his father's eye, glancing towards the door. A sort of fond exasperation shuttered over his father's somber mask for a moment before he gave Scorpius a curt nod.

"Excuse me." He said to the children surrounding him. "I need a moment."

Scorpius fled the room, ignoring the slight stab of pain after seeing the plain relief on some of their faces.

The moment he reached his bedroom, Scorpius shucked his mourning attire and grabbed a pair of trousers and a light sweater his mother had given him the Christmas before she passed. Never mind that it was the height of summer. The sweater was one of his favorites, for more reason than one.

It was the last present his mother gave him.

He pulled the navy fabric over his head, stepping into his trainers. And before he knew it, he was stumbling forward into the bustling Diagon Alley.

Scorpius smiled for the first time that day as he allowed himself to be pulled along with crowds of witches and wizards.

It was odd seeing so many people in Diagon Alley, especially this time of year. This was the sort of hustle and bustle he expected to see when it came time to buy supplies for the school year. And as of yet, their Hogwarts letters had yet to arrive.

But Scorpius didn't mind the minor chaos in the street. It served as a good place to lose himself. He doubted that many people would be able to identify him as a Malfoy, unless they knew him from Hogwarts.

Because despite what others believed, he wasn't the only bloke with blonde hair wandering down the alley.

Scorpius made his first stop at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, and then at Flourish and Blotts. The book shop was far emptier than the alleyway, for which he was extremely grateful. It gave him time to wander along the bookshelves in peace.

He didn't spend long in the shop. He'd scanned these shelves hundreds of times over the years, so there was rarely a book he hadn't seen. Scorpius did end up purchasing a books about alchemic properties in potions that he thought Albus might enjoy. But besides that, his quick trip was rapidly drawing to a close.

However, as he wandered down the alley, he came upon a familiar, blaringly orange and purple store.

Scorpius had never been into Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes before. He'd made a habit of peeking at the window displays whenever he'd walked past, fascinated by the violent displays of colors and fascinating products. But never in his wildest dreams had he dared to venture in, not with his family's history.

Which was why Scorpius was quite stunned to find his hand was already opening the shop door.

Maybe it was the day itself that was making him so bold. Maybe there was a part of himself hoping that his mother was watching somewhere, able to see that he could be brave like his father had been once.

Scorpius walked through the open doorway.

The first thing that registered in his mind was the explosion of colors. Diagon Alley was far from dull, but all the colors in the shop seemed to be brighter, almost sparkling with energy. Kids and teenagers alike were rushing around the shop, faces alight with joy. The excitement of it all, paired with the whistles and pops of the merchandise on display made Scorpius feel lighter all of a sudden.

It was like he could finally _breathe._

"You look mighty lost standing there with your jaw hanging open like that." A jovial voice burst out from beside him.

Scorpius jumped, spinning to find an older man with red hair staring at him speculatively.

 _George Weasley._ His mind supplied. _Co-creator of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. Twin to the late Fred Weasley, member of the Order of the Phoenix that died during the Battle of Hogwarts. Will not take kindly to seeing a Malfoy. Avoid interaction._

"Hi!" He managed to squeak out, nervously glancing back at the door. "I suppose I am. Er, lost, I mean. I've never been here."

George Weasley smiled effortlessly, sweeping a hand out with a flair that made Scorpius laugh.

"Take a look around then! You've got your classics over here, like the Nosebleed Nougats and the Fainting Fancies. Then our latest work in pyrotechnics are to your left…"

Scorpius followed George as the man pointed out different areas of the store. It all left him wishing he'd thought to bring more galleons. But one product caught his eye.

"Patented Daydream Charms?" He asked. "What're those?"

George smiled.

"It's a simple trick that'll give you 30 minutes of your choice daydream. It's rather realistic if I do say so myself."

Scorpius met his gaze.

"Anything?" He breathed.

George nodded.

"Anything your brain can cook up."

Before he could blink, Scorpius had scooped up two of the small boxes into his hands.

"I'll take these then."

"You can pay for those at the counter then. Best be wary of the cashier. She bites." George smirked. "Nice doing business with you Mister…"

Scorpius panicked.

"Evans!" He blurted out. "That's me. Evan… Evans?"

George Weasley snorted.

"Well then Mr. Evan Evans." He said while wandering off towards a group of kids that had just entered. "Good luck."

"With what?" He wondered out loud, feeling a rather prickling sensation on the back of his head.

Warily, the young man turned, catching eyes with the cashier in the back of the shop.

Rose Granger-Weasley was staring at him rather intently.

"Rose?" He asked. "What're you doing here?"

The young witch's right eyebrow rose, a perfect imitation of the statement, "did you really just ask me that?"

Scorpius coughed, feeling his face redden in embarrassment.

"Right. Your family owns this place." He muttered.

The young man quickly placed the two Patented Daydream Charms on the counter, stubbornly not looking at Rose while he did so. He couldn't help but think he was odd for choosing only these out of all the shop had to offer. Maybe if he'd gotten some other products, it'd seem more norm-

"What's _he_ doing here?"

The vehement statement had only been a whisper, but it'd carried over regardless.

Scorpius tensed, glancing back to see a couple of blokes he recognized from Hogwarts, looking his way with disgust written on their faces. He swiveled forward, looking nervously back at Rose, whose eyes were narrowing once more.

"So how much?" He asked quickly, wanting nothing more than to get out of that shop as soon as possible.

Rose didn't reply, frowning at a spot behind his shoulder.

"Reckoned he'd be down at Knockturn Alley. Not here. Bit unsettling isn't it?"

"Rose." Scorpius tried to get her attention. "I sort of need to get going soon."

The young witch glanced back, expression cooling slightly.

"Sorry." She replied, still glancing over his shoulder. "That'll be-"

"Blimey, will he just leave already?"

Rose glared at the boys.

"Excuse me-" She started heatedly. But Scorpius interrupted her by slamming a large handful of galleons on the counter.

"That should cover it." He told the startled witch with a strained smile, scooping up the Patented Daydream Charms. "Sorry for the trouble."

He fled rather quickly after that.

Scorpius rushed from the shop, the blissful anonymity he'd been feeling broken. The wary stares were back once more, along with the curdling whispers.

 _You don't think that's…_

 _He looks a lot like… Honey, come stand over here for a moment._

 _Disgusting_.

By the time Scorpius floo'd back and reached the safety of his bedroom, he couldn't stop shaking.

He didn't bother taking off his shoes, nor did he consider changing into something more comfortable. Instead, he flung himself onto his bed, pulling on of the charms he'd purchased from the joke shop.

He needed a distraction, something to help him calm down.

So with a few shaky whispers, he activated the charm.

Scorpius imagined dinner with his mother and father in a cozy Parisian café. A familiar warmth settled in his bones as his mum told him a story, one of her favorite school memories. He couldn't help but smile at the fond look on his father's face. For once they were all sitting together, laughing, smiling, simply being able to just _exist_.

However, the thirty minutes of bliss eventually came to an end.

Scorpius continued to lay in his bed, not sure if he felt better or worse.

* * *

The owl came later that evening, tapping insistently on his window.

Scorpius was quick to shuffle out of his bed, warily letting the bird in. It was a tawny owl, not one he was particularly familiar with. But the way it eyed him critically should've been a clue.

The bird dropped the package it had been carrying with a single swoop before perching itself on his bed frame.

Scorpius approached the package carefully.

It was a small parcel, no larger than one of his textbooks. Scorpius was surprised to see how light it was, the heaviest thing probably being the envelope tied to the top. But even then, he couldn't help but be wary. After the last 'gift' he'd received…

Scorpius shook his head and opened the weighted envelope.

Galleons and sickles poured out.

"What?" Scorpius breathed, quickly searching for a letter to explain what in Merlin's name was happening.

 _You forgot your change. Uncle George said you were lucky he's such an upstanding gentleman, otherwise he would've pocketed the extra. (Although I'm fairly certain you might find a galleon or two missing.) He also wanted me to include that while he doesn't sell to Malfoy's, Mr. Evan Evans will always be a welcome customer._

 _Rose_

 _P.S. I tried to fix it the best I could._

Scorpius blinked at the letter, feeling the strongest urge to laugh. But his nerves were too frayed for him to even try. He remained silent as he reached for the package.

The inside was filled with crumpled pages of newspaper from what looked to be the Daily Prophet. Nestled into the right side was a familiar box, another Patented Daydream Charm.

 _As thanks for keeping my nephew company._ Was scratched onto the back. _Even if the two of you are bloody snakes._

With a small smile, Scorpius set the box to the side, pulling out the larger item wrapped in even more newspaper.

It was flat, rectangular, and slightly weighted. Scorpius undid the wrapping as carefully as possible, revealing a dark picture frame holding-

Was he dreaming?

It was _the photo_.

Scorpius couldn't do much in that instant but stare at the sight of his father, mother, and his younger self smiling brightly up at him from the streets of Paris. Tears fragmented the photo like a spiderweb, but it had been placed together with such precision that it looked not unlike a puzzle.

Scorpius swallowed thickly.

Rose… she'd...

 _I tried to fix it the best I could._

For the first time that day, Scorpius let himself cry.

* * *

 **Fin: Chapter 1/3**


End file.
